Spirituality can humble a person. It has me. I’m homeless.    

Living outdoors, my spots are quite important. I keep ’em a secret, of course. I got my camping spots. And I got my parking spots. The private spots are the best, but they’re hard to find. There’s nothing worse than the look on some dog-walker’s face when they see me folding up my bedding in the morning. Or moving my laundry basket from my driver’s seat to the back of the rig. It makes me want to puke. I don’t think those people would pity me, however, if they knew I was a thief. Don’t worry, I have no interest in your money. I’m a time thief. In fact, at this very moment, I want to steal your time. I’m no Robin Hood, but don’t worry, I usually do something good with the time I steal.

It was October 28, 2023. A Saturday. I was kayaking my favorite mountain river here in New England and smoking a spliff. I had put in at XYZ and planned to take out at ABC. There are two amazing beaches on that route. I was sitting at that first beach I like so much. Why? Let’s see. Crystal clear water. Views of mountains decked out in their fall glory. Crisp mountain air. Not another person in sight. Yeah, I love that spot for its privacy.

Wind and clouds can dominate in a mountain town. There was a reprieve from both when I arrived—at a stunning seventy degrees—but who knew how long that would last? So I took off my clothes and lay in the sun for about an hour. It got so hot that I went for a dunk in the river. I took my shorts with me, just in case, but didn’t end up seeing anyone. My God, it was cold. That dip really got my heart rate going. There’s something sweet and wild about swimming naked in a mountain river. It makes me feel like a man.

Warming up after a cold dunk is where it’s at. After experiencing those delicious reacclimation chemicals, whatever they are, the clouds rolled in. I decided to put my clothes on and leave. Maybe those clouds would clear out by the time I paddled to the second beach. But after a few pulls from my spliff I thought, let me take some time for God. So I sat in siddhasana (folded-leg meditation posture). What a pose! What a gift to mankind!

I felt rushed. But I brought my mind back in. Why did I feel rushed? Just because it was going to drop a few degrees? I decided to mentally recite Oh Namah Shivaya (salutation to God) one-hundred-and-eight times to get my mind right. Once per breath. I wouldn’t cheat and breath fast, either. It’s like Guruji says, you save time with your sadhana (spiritual practice). It was an interesting comment. You normally worry about how long something takes. But with your sadhana, you save time.

What I have started doing—not something I learned, just as my own adjustment—is to break out into some pranayama (breathing exercises) and bandha (energy lock exercises) halfway through my recitation. This gets the energy flowing. At count fifty-four, I did the four purifications —alternate nostril breathing, breath of fire, stomach exercises, root lock. Then, I did bhramari pranayama—plug the ears, close the eyes, hum— and wow!  

I intuitively made the humming sound like Om Namah Shivaya and that dialed me in. I felt the vibrations of my voice box echoing in my skull. Guruji told me that bhrameri can help release chemicals in the brain that are good for sleep. I started adjusting the position of my tongue on the roof of my mouth and noticed how the vibrations echoed differently in my body. When I moved my tongue to my teeth, it felt like I was grounding out the vibrations and they seemed to stop. But, did they? I intuitively realized that, being bone, the teeth would be connected to my spine. And I could use them as a conduit to the muladhara (energy center near base of spine). I tried to send those vibrations to God. 

It felt like ancient energy channeling through my body. Powerful. Primal. Playful. Primal in the sense of: drop everything. Drop your career. Drop your mortgage. Drop that crap and follow God. God will take care of you. Om Namah Shivaya.

I sat there for a minute and the sun came out. What joy! I ripped off my clothes and reseated myself in siddhasana. I’d learned online that the muladhara has a little hook to pick up the earth. I was sitting on an old cotton bed sheet and piled the sand up under my tailbone to connect that hook to the earth. I plugged my ears and hummed out my joy. 

I saw, in my mind, a chain reaching up to heaven. Little infinity symbols, or energy packets, formed the links. They were hatched in my muladhara and sent up to the sahasrara (energy center near top of head). Taken together, the links created an infinity chain. A connection with God. A resonance. The rising energy pulled my eyes back and pulsed them into my freakin’ skull. Good stuff, that. Intoxicating.

I was somehow able to zoom in on one of those energy packets. I still don’t know what it was. It looked like a little cosmos. There was a timeless quality to it, like the way God has always existed and always will.

I was lost in that reverie until something jolted me out of my focus. It wasn’t light. Or sound. It was energy. Something was wrong.

I opened my eyes. A guy riding an ATV had passed in front of me. My mouth hung open. I felt disoriented. Scared. But he didn’t look too bothered, having already passed by, he kept driving. There was a woman on the back seat and she stared at me with her mouth open! 

Beautiful women don’t make eye contact with me, why would this one? There was something in her stare that was so pure. So delicate. Animal-like. I thought it was my ex at first and then, as I looked back, realized it wasn’t. I figured thinking about my ex would break that energy, but it didn’t. Did this woman think I was cute? Original? Or did she keep staring just because I was naked? Whatever it was, her mouth remained open. I’m pretty sure mine did too. My God, her hair. It was carelessly braided down her back. A flock of paradise growing on top of her skull. And those eyes! The way she looked at me was moving. Innocent. I was ashamed. But somehow, I felt good. Embarrassed too. 

I decided to leave immediately. Then, again, I was like, I’m outdoors. Where would I even go? Might as well stay here. I don’t seem to be bothering them. I put my shorts back on. 

My ego told me she could be his sister. It started hatching out lustful fantasies. But, she had her arms around his waist, not his shoulders. And this guy was something. Owned an ATV. Probably owned the land. Handsome. Polite. He had a nice head of hair himself. A total catch. 

I sat some more, but couldn’t focus. I heard that ATV approach again. This time I waved hello to make sure they weren’t upset at my indiscretion. The dude waved back. The woman had put her head to his back, facing away from me. And as they drove on, what passed through my skull was: God bless you two. 

You didn’t tell me to get off your property. You didn’t hang a NO TRESPASSING sign. I have nothing real to repay you with, but I wanted to take this time to say thank you.