Water and Fire

I have great reluctance to committing these words to paper. The experiences that I write of here, especially as regards Fire, are largely inexpressible, except perhaps through poetry.

The experiences of mystical Water and Fire are not necessarily useful or understandable to ordinary consciousness, and in fact are “invisible” to it. For that reason, these experiences clearly belong in the realm of the esoteric.

 Nevertheless, the type of experiences I describe here have been spoken about in various traditions and written about in a variety of sacred ancient texts. In other words, the knowledge is hidden in plain sight. Thus, knowledge of the spiritual nature of Fire and Water, acquired by others throughout the millennia, is available to the devoted seeker and can be found.

Over the years, I have read these seemingly incomprehensible and (to my mind) purposely obscure texts. However, once consciousness awakened, I experienced spontaneously what I had once dismissed.

One example comes from the Sefer Yetzirah or The Book of Formation, a first century Kabbalah text whose author(s) are unknown. It is a mystical description of Creation:

“From Breath comes water and from water comes fire.”

This phrase was unintelligible to me until recently; the understanding I did gain emerged unbidden, experientially, a natural by-product of diligence and discipline in spiritual practice. I had but one intention that motivated me over the years:  To know God.  

This spiritual practice consists of two main activities: Self Observation and a Kabbalah-based system of Sound Meditation.

Self-Observation: I set my intention to observe myself—my behavior and my thoughts. I observe these thoughts and behaviors repeatedly as they arise, completely non-judgmentally and totally non-analytically.

I gain self-knowledge with this process. Insights present themselves with clarity and immediacy.  Transformations are rapid and lasting.

Sound Meditation: Using specific vocal sounds, I silence my rationalizing mind and have direct contact with the supportive Ineffable; a sustaining universal energy.

This two-pronged spiritual path unraveled karma, exposed delusions, and solved seemingly intractable personality issues.

Gradually, over time, the numinous began to integrate into ordinary consciousness.

I have spent over 20 years engaged with this spiritual discipline and at certain point efforts became less important; Spontaneous, unbidden and unfathomable experiences arose all by themselves.

It turned out that all of that long-term effort laid the groundwork for a living experience of the universal force: God as Fire. This living experience altered my concept of God, my concept of myself and my understanding of reality.

About three years ago, arising from who knows what, a series of internal events occurred.  These events brought me closer to the long sought-after goal of connection to the All.

This is where Water came into the picture, specifically the experience of “Living under water as a state of consciousness”.

Lasting for about 8 months an uncomfortable feeling of water, of living in water, underwater, up to my waist in water, sometimes up to my throat—waterlogged, awash, wet, dampness swamped me, not a sensation of drowning or of existential threat, but rather a watery state of mind and body.

Although engulfed, I was bound by my skin.

And why? I had no answer. And to what purpose? I had no answer.

This sensation, this experience, did not yield to meaning, did not offer a reason or an explanation, nor a discernable result.

And then one day the months of bewilderment and not feeling quite right subsided; the Waters receded and were replaced by Fire.

It began as something I observed in my mind’s eye, a separate “something” that visited, obeyed its own rules and came and went as it pleased.

When the Fire moved in, it began as an uncontrolled flame, hot and yet not burning me, consuming nothing; It raged, and leapt and glowed orange hot, red hot, yellow hot—sometimes in the gut, later in the cranium, and after several months in the throat and ears.

At a certain point, the uncontrolled flames retracted their wildness and appeared in my mind’s eye at the center of my cranium, as an unwavering single flame.

The Flame is conscious.

The Flame does not speak to me.

The Flame is the Eternal life-giving force that sustains each individual and without which the earth itself could not survive.

The Flame knows me, and my life depends on it.

I worship here.

After some months the flame retreated inside my cranium, expanded again and took up permanent residence. I bathe myself in these restorative licking flames daily.

Engaging with this transformative Fire does not involve speech or thought or prayer. No “I”.  It offers only Presence.

This is not the judging punitive God of organized religion, or the God that interferes in daily activity and in the personal affairs of human kind.

The form of worship is therefore different – no prayers, no entreaties nothing personal, only the opportunity to continually revivify in an immersion in the Living Source, an immersion which renews and invigorates, and is at one with the Eternal within me.

All is One.

This is Being, all that is, was, and will be.

This is the Living Presence –speechless, wordless, without concept, offering the opportunity to be embraced.