May my body cast light upon the earth. May my head shine like a bright star. May my arms and legs be the constellation that enchants every spirit in the world. 

That is what I told myself as I went to sleep on the darkest night of the month. It was my prayer for the new moon. My deepest desire. That I could illuminate the Earth like the full moon before dawn, that my life’s purpose became that of a bright celestial body. Many say that stars are the souls of the dead bringing light to the darkness of the earth. What if I told you it’s more than that? What if I told you that stars are spirits on their own, not only a presence of our ancestors but also of other non-human entities? You would then ask me why I would want to be like a star in the sky. I would say:

To be a star is to be guarding people at the time they most need protection. To be a star is to be guiding souls on their journey of the embodied. To be a star is to be helpful and compassionate.

I know what this sounds like: I want to be a spirit guide. And I do. But it’s more than that. It’s a sense of contributing to the whole of the cosmos, a sense of belonging. Not that I can’t find ways to belong in my human form now, but being amongst star-spirits and star-persons feels like home. On this and every other night, I feel the presence of my life’s purpose when I look at the stars. As if the stars hold my higher self. It feels like I’m looking at a part of myself that likes to be called “ancestor” and “guide”, living alongside all the other non-corporeal spirits and deities that help embodied spirits like us, the ones down here. Would it be possible to fulfill my destiny as an ancestor to those who came before me? Would it be possible to live again before them?

I want to rip linear time and exist in the years of my long-lost ancestors, by an existence that would make me their ancestor and not only their descendant. I want to live by circular time, to help those who helped me when I needed most. I want to return the favor.

Would it be possible to merge myself with time and the universe as to become One? So I could place myself in the service of my ancestors? I’m not sure. But I would enjoy searching for it. Especially on this night of the new moon, the darkest of them all. This is why I pray as I go to sleep, since I am going to the dark beneath the earth, the place that calls me in every dream, the place that whispers to me: “You and I are the same”. I’m going to root myself into the soil that’s filled with magic. I’m going to plant the seed that will grow that part of myself that will be known as “ancestor”. That is my only and true purpose for this night: to prepare the new life that follows this celebration. To make myself anew.

I want to be close to the deities that accompany my journeys every day. I want my presence to shine with the sacred and the divine. I want to help whatever are the fates of embodied spirits.

I pray and I fall into the void of sleep. I remember that I’m rooted and grounded. That I don’t exist outside of space, that my existence has a really important context and that I must look for its integrity so that I can walk my path with confidence. My aliveness is multiple: I’m in my bed, I’m in the sky above and I’m in the earth below. I am three-formed. My dreamscape infinite.

May my body cast light upon the earth. May my head shine like a bright star. May my arms and legs be the constellation that enchants every spirit in the world. 

I pray one more time. I look above, at the self I have in the unreachable sky. They are holding a pearl necklace. Is it mine? I don’t think so, the other selves are not holding anything like it. Maybe it’s from a past life of mine I still don’t know about. A memory my self may hold dearly. Maybe it’s a constellation in contact with my own body-constellation. A spirit in its own form. Maybe my higher self works with them as prayer beads, counting along through my spiritual journey on Earth, inviting me to re-member with each number, welcoming me to life:

One. I stay grounded to the earth that feeds me. Two. I live confidently in my purpose for being here. Three. I develop meaningful relationships with those around me.

I look below, at the self I have in the forgotten underworld. They are a part of the Earth, nourishing its beings through the soil. I’m pleased to be remembering them. Living an embodied life in search of meaning can sometimes lead to forgetfulness of that which is physical and material. To be able to see and acknowledge them is to be able to be a part of the cosmos, to be able to know the rightness of being. Nature is a part of our journey as much as we are a part of theirs. We belong to each other. I look at the expressions of my being. The one in the sky is stretched out, winking at those below. The one in the earth is curled up like a seed, feeding those above. And the one on the bed is dreaming, open to those above and below.

Four. I remember those who fought for me, preparing my existence. Five. I know myself and the power I have in me. Six. I am conscious of the interconnectivity of the world and the self.

If this were a journey, I would imagine it going something like this: I am drifting in space, surrounded by star-spirits and existing with them by my side. I carry prayer beads on my left hand, to count and focus my purpose. A star falls at the crown of my head. My head shines. When the time comes and I have prayed enough, I start falling down like the star resting in my head. We fall together. I feel that, in this future to come, I have helped people as an “ancestor” and I’ll be ready to live in the moment, in their turn, to become a son again. So I fall to the Earth, where I seek to live a purposeful life in the present, being helped by those I have helped before. I cherish every moment and I pray to remember my place in the world. I dream deeply, knowing that with every night comes a chance to practice magic. When I die, I’m buried below the earth, in the soil. There I feed new life. There, I make magic happen every day. I nourish my middle self and my higher self. And we are eternal. I close the circle, having experienced three forms and understanding that the I is all of them at the same time. My entelechy is fulfilled. I feel bliss.

Seven. I experience life mindfully. Eight. I feel bliss and I expand emotionally with contentment. Nine. I am aware that my existence is non-linear.

This was my dream tonight. I experienced my time and my eternity. I was mindful of my existence as a whole way of being. In that moment of ecstasy, which is the practice of remembering, I felt how I am connected to everything in the world. And I got to be near the deities I pray to and the ancestors I remember to live by, I got to be close to a lot of spirits I don’t yet know of but am connected to in some way. I don’t have much more to say of this journey. Let me end it with a last prayer:

May my body cast light upon the earth. May my head shine like a bright star. May my arms and legs be the constellation that enchants every spirit in the world. 

I look forward to the next new moon.

Inspired by

Falling Star (1884), Witold Pruszkowski